Just one look at the cover of the box for Boa vs. Python tells you everything you need to know about it. These are the kinds of monster movies you rent with some friends and leave your common sense with the video store clerk as a deposit. It's one of those releases that's never intended to actually play in movie theatres, yet nevertheless gets made in the hopes it will make back its bare-bones budget via rentals. Like a reptile, it lies in wait for its prey on the store shelf, ready to sink its fangs into the next unfortunate victim that comes its way. And in a strange sort of way, I'm kind of glad it put the squeeze play on me.
Evidently, this is a sequel; the original installment from 2000 goes by the title of Python and a second film, Python 2, was made in 2002. It opens with a wrestling match between two masked fighters: Boa and Python, each dawning red and green to symbolically represent the colours of the two titular creatures. During the match, we meet Broddick (Adam Kendrick), a wealthy chap who has organized a world class safari hunt for an 80 to 100-foot python. When the slithering giant breaks out of its cage, Broddick is tells the other safari invitees he has no recourse but to bump up the date of the hunt. Meanwhile, FBI Agent Sharpe (Kirk B.R. Woller) is assigned the case and is determined to track down and find the python. He enlists the help of dolphin-implant-worker Jaime Bergman as Monica Bonds and David Hewlett as Dr. Steve Emmett, a reptilologist who happens to be breeding the world's biggest boa. That's right, eventually the trio unleashes the boa (complete with cerebral implants) to hunt down the python in order to put an end to the madness.
I correctly assumed this film would be campy, but what surprised me was how ludicrously fun it was to sit through. Among the more memorable cliché passages are: a pompous news reporter who gets his come-uppance, a rave/dance club scene where the python is attracted to the rhythmic beats, a "boa-cam" that allows the scientists to track its movements, and a howler of a monologue in which Emmett confesses that his little sister once died as a result of a snake bite, hence his lifelong devotion to creating an anti-venom. There is also a preposterous battle in a subway station between the dueling serpents, a naked girl who claims to hate snakes but has a tattoo of one that runs along her entire backside, and a scene with a pair of horny teens who are interrupted by the brooding python in what proves to be the movie's biggest laugh.
Although the special effects in Boa vs. Python are expectedly sub-par, the rest of the movie looks pretty good, considering its numerous locations and hefty plot requirements. The snakes themselves are no more ludicrous-looking than the CGI webslinger effects in the Spider-Man movies, so on a slide "scale" of visual splendor things are on the up and up. Across the board, the cast seems squeamish and uncertain, but they seem to be having fun. Moreover, the filmmakers are at home with the outlandish subject matter and serve it up in the proper proportions to make it a fun poke at the marginally popular Anaconda franchise.
The biggest disappointment with Boa vs. Python comes from the fact that the creatures rarely do battle at all, save for one fleeting moment late in the picture. However, if this glaring discrepancy is not enough to dissuade you, then there is plenty to enjoy. This is a movie with lots of guns and explosions, gratuitous nudity, stock characters and lots of phony snake killings. Devoid of logic and common sense, Boa vs. Python proves a more-than-adequate rainy day rental with a fair share of thrills, chills and gills.
