A growing trend over the past few TV seasons has been the creation of reality shows based on the audition process. The prospective contestants croon and swoon over each other much like they might in, say, a beauty pageant. I'm getting more than a little fed up with watching elimination-based contests. Bachelorettes in Alaska? Popstars 2, where you have a chance to be the next Canadian supergroup? Who Wants to Marry A Millionaire? Temptation Island? Harumph. Perhaps 1999's release of Drop Dead Gorgeous was a prediction of the piles of dreck to come.
And yet, alas, in many, inevitable ways, this satire's timing is way off. It takes place in small town America (in the aptly chosen Mount Rose), where buzz surrounding the Miss Teen Princess America has hit its annual frenzy. Former winner Gladys Leeman (Kirstie Alley) is pleased as punch that so many young women are considering entering the contest this year (less than a dozen). This naturally includes her dazzling daughter Becky (Denise Richards), who seems to have inherited her mother's aggressive and competitive tendencies. Meanwhile, the underdog is Amber Atkins (Kirsten Dunst), who necessarily must live in a trailer park with her single mother (Ellen Barkin) while Bad Things happen to her specifically so that we always know who to root for. Incidentally, Amber works part-time at her high school cafeteria and part-time in the local funeral home as a make-up artist; she also really admires Diane Sawyer, just so you know.
I found myself laughing at some parts in Drop Dead Gorgeous, but only at its desparately scathing moments, during the times when it realized its success was dependent on completely trashing the superficiality of pageants. In one scene, for example, Becky waltzes with a life-sized, wheeling Jesus-on-the-cross while singing "I Love You Baby". In another, a potential frontrunner in the standings literally explodes while driving a tractor in a "freak accident". In the end though, the screenplay is a really weak attempt at a mockumentary, and I can't help but think that real life footage might not have been ten times funnier than any fictional stuff that is trying too hard to be funny.
Did I mention everyone in the cast tries to pull off a Minnesota accent? Ouch. Did I mention it has a scene with former Batman Adam West? If that's not a signal to proceed with caution, then I don't know what is. Kirsten Dunst may be drop dead gorgeous, but this movie certainly isn't.
