The Rocky Horror Picture Show (Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon) no gummy bears
The quality of a movie should not be determined by how fun it is to watch it at a midnight viewing. There should be certain basic, fundamental elements at play that would make it bearable even if you aren't surrounded by cross-dressing fanatics who have memorized all of the songs and can quote the dialogue on cue. So before I proceed any further with this review, I must confess that no, I have not attended a public screening of this film, nor have I ever worn garters in public, or participated in the launching of rice, trigger-happy squirt guns, or pieces of toast.
All through university. All through post-university. All through the years. It seems everyone I've ever met or known has referred to The Rocky Horror Picture Show as THE movie which I had to see. "You're into music! You're into musicals! You'll love it. You'll laugh all the way through it. You'll never get tired of it." Heck, even the critics at the Rotten Tomatoes website have unanimously given it a 100% positive rating.
Well, at long last I finally got to view the 1975 classic. I suppose I've missed out, because the logic behind the zealous recommendations clearly eludes me. In a way, I can see how those who enjoy this movie might come to love it. And, in a similar way, I would probably prefer to poke out my eyeballs with a pencil rather than suffer through this movie again.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show wallows in a bizarre triviality. Even if you aren't someone normally prone to swearing, you'll be exclaiming "What the --" by about the five-minute mark. I don't necessarily always need plot, or characters, or funny jokes, or even high production values to enjoy a movie. Far from it. But if a movie's going to say the hell with all those things, I'd at least like to be entertained.
Not once was I entertained with this musical train wreck. Barry Bostwick is Brad Majors and Susan Sarandon is Janet Weiss. They're a newlywed couple who one night ends up at a strange, spooky-looking castle. Tim Curry plays the owner, a transvestite scientist named Doctor Frank-N-Furter (get it? -- yeah, I laughed hysterically too). The Doc has his gender-bending eye on both Janet and Brad, but he's also highly interested in his latest creation, a sex-starved atlas called Rocky (Peter Hinwood). Richard O'Brien plays Riff Raff. Patricia Quinn plays Magenta. Meat Loaf plays Eddie. I played with a labotomy kit to stay awake.
The songs are terrible. There are aliens. There is a cloying narrator. Four of the characters are turned to stone and then re-animated as cross-dressing, leather-clad singers. Sorry, this is just not my cup of tea. I've watched the travesty that is The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Let us never speak of it again.
