Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed (Freddie Prinze, Matthew Lillard)
Oh my good Lord, what happened to poor little Scooby-Doo. In the Hanna-Barbera cartoon from the 1970's, that dog used to solve mysteries with his cohorts Shaggy, Fred, Velma and Daphne. Traditionally, a half hour episode would feature a ghost or monster of some kind, and after some investigation and silly shenanigans, the ghoul was unveiled to be a surly man or woman who wanted revenge for something. As silly as that premise sounds, it was kind of neat when we were little, because the show had just a spot of danger and suspense mixed with some slapstick comedy (if memory serves, sometimes the show even had a laugh track).
Although I have not yet seen the first live-action film from 2002, one torturous viewing of Scooby-Doo 2 is enough not only to put me off of seeing "the one that started it all", but it's even enough to make me not want to see Matthew Lillard on a movie screen ever again. Or Freddie Prinze. Or an animated dog. Or a dog at all, period.
Scooby-Doo 2 takes place in a town where the gang of Mystery Inc. are celebrities(!) for their hard work in solving so many past capers. Here, there is a semi-sincere nod to the ghosts from the cartoon show; I say semi-sincere because, unlike the old episodes where a real person was found to be behind it all, here the ghosts and goblins are supposedly the real thing. In a way, this betrays the very "spirit" of the original series. But then, Scooby never vanquished a ghost by farting in its face before, either.
In this painful adaptation, a set of ghost costumes are stolen and brought back to life by a mysterious masked figure. It's up to the Gang(TM) -- which includes Fred and Daphne (Freddie Prinze and Sarah Michelle Gellar) as lovebirds(!) -- to get to the bottom of things or risk ruining their inexplicably famous reputations (must have been covered in the first movie). There's also Velma (Linda Cardellini), who has romantic encounters(?!?) with Seth Green, Peter Boyle as a Grumpy Old Man, and Alicia Silverstone as a reporter eager to burst the bubble of Mystery, Inc. Of course, everyone's a suspect until the culprit is revealed. It is at this point that one can safely lean over to the sleeping person next to them and wake them as the credits will begin shortly.
Even at a running time of less than 90 minutes, this is the longest movie of the year, with endless gags that go nowhere and tedious dialogue that anesthetizes the brain on impact. None of the so-called magic from the cartoon show can be found, unless you consider lots of psychedelic colours on the screen as some kind of homage. When Shaggy and Scooby find themselves in a dangerous room surrounded by thugs and start disco dancing around with afros on their heads, it's awkward and cringe-inducing, not amusing or silly. Just dumb.
Scooby-Doo 2 (helpfully subtitled "Monsters Unleashed") necessarily must cater to either adults or to kids in order for it to be evenly remotely entertaining. Since this movie, by virture of its complete lack of imagination, wit, fun, charm, or comedy, will bore children and adults alike, I suspect it is meant primarily to cater to lazy parents who have not yet seen it, and will subsequently buy copies of this turkey on DVD at Christmastime in lieu of cooking their chidren real poultry at the yuletide dinner. No matter: I sincerely doubt any kids will be able to keep this heaping serving from coming back up again anyway.
